I almost never drink stuff besides water or coffee.  It’s a habit for me.  But sometimes, I want something with flavor.  Sometimes I want Coke, sometimes tea, but sometimes… sometimes I am walking around the grocery store and see that Sunny D.  Original.

That’s it.  Sometimes nothing else will hit the spot besides that sweet tangy flavor.

Before you guys all go freaking out on me thinking this is just some kind of commercial, it’s really not.  I’ve been a little writer’s blockey lately and since I found that Sunny D today I figured it was just as good a point of writing as anything else I could come up with today.

Well, that and a dream about being able to travel through portals over several countries.  I was in a cabin with C and a whole bunch of our friends and we could all travel back and forth through these portals that kind of looked like plastic dog cages.  It was cool and anyone could pop in and out as they wanted to.  No TSA required <wink wink>

There is a website that I won’t bother linking to because that rubbish really doesn’t need any more readers (but if you really want to go check it out, just think of an ancient whore and you’ll find it) that decided to tell me that it costs about $26K to maintain my lady parts just during my 20’s alone.

According to them, my birth control pills cost me almost $130 a month.  They don’t (and in the past have cost me as little as $7 a month).

I apparently  spend almost 10K on grooming alone.  I don’t (and  strongly feel that whoever wrote that article spends absolutely $0 on self-grooming and instead lives by the decree that a razor is a foreign objectifier of women).

I also spend about $200 in monthly female products.  I don’t know where they buy their products or exactly how much they use, but I sure don’t spend that much.  This is after they tout the virtues of the Diva Cup.  If you don’t know what that is, go look at it.  It’s definitely not for me, but to each their own in that department.

They went on to talk about douches and yeast infection medication and about urinary tract infections (which I know all of you are all into reading about here too<eye roll>) and how much those cost in 10 years.  What about all the women who don’t use douches or Vagisil or have never gotten a UTI or a yeast infection.  Why are they alienating these women?  Oh yeah, because to the writer of the article, those women don’t matter.

That article is all about bla bla bla I want the government to subsidize birth control pills.  The rest of the diatribe didn’t have anything to do with their (poorly formed) argument.  Tampon use and razors are not really tied into your pills.

My view is just leave me and my womanly choices to myself.  I don’t want the government to end up telling what they will and won’t pay for.  I don’t want to hear that they will only pay for some generic pill that only makes me insane.  I don’t want to hear that I can buy Tampax but not Playtex.  Stay out of my business and out of my lady parts.  And that goes to both the Femi-nazis and the government.

There are some fresh pictures of the Titanic floating around the net since the 100th anniversary of the disaster is coming up this month. Even after all this time, there is still a beauty to this ship, even as it lies in the deep.

Photos from below the sea

Being the first born child is a big responsibility.  You have to be a role model to the younger child n0 matter if you want it or not.  It’s expected.

You must be a better version of yourself at all times.

You must share everything you own or have, including your friends, your toys, your life.

You must be brave.

You must be the strong one.

You must…

You must…

You must.

You really have no choice.

1. More High Maintenance- I don’t wear makeup or heels on a regular basis.  I don’t strut around in a dress anywhere near as often as I could.  My hair knows very few styling products.  I know that I can try to change that, but it’s way too much work to increase my maintenance  level.  I wear jeans and t-shirts 85% of the time that I am not at work or at home.  While I will not wear PJ pants to the grocery store, I also won’t dress up just to go to it either.  A ponytail, jeans, and fitted T are as far as I will go.

2. More adventurous- This one is actually something most people wouldn’t quite realize about me.  When you ask me about things I like to do, the list includes travel, SCUBA diving, and stuff of that nature.  But I worry when I do some of those things.  I am not a fan of not knowing where I’m going, but I am a fan of going to new places…with a plan.

3.More nurturing- I am a caring, loving, person; but I don’t deal well with the sick.  I could not be a doctor or a nurse because I am annoyed to no end by whiny, sick people.  I’m sure it has to do with the fact that when I’m sick, I want to be left alone to my misery.  I want to watch bad TV or movies by myself and wallow in feeling like crap on a stick.

4. More patient- The funny part is that my name actually is supposed to mean “Patience” and I am definitely not patient at all.  Why don’t you understand what I’m needing you to do/say/understand/etc the second that I say it?  Just do it, dammit!

Do your babies take up too much space?  Trying to find a good way to keep them contained?  What can you do?

Use a BABY CAGE!  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you too can have your own baby cage!

If this was a magical, fantastical, young adult literature world, and I had inadvertently been turned into a vampire (as usually happens), I would most definitely NOT go quietly into the good night into hiding and loathing of what I had become.

Nope.

I would also not go alone.

Not a chance.

You always read the vampires whining about being all alone, bla bla bla.  The first thing I would do is turn my family and friends into vampires too.  Well, not the kids yet.  You don’t want to spend all eternity changing diapers or listening to whining and tattling, after all.  Once they hit a decent age, past teenage angst and early 20’s annoyingness, they could become vampires too.

Anyway, back to turning friends into vampires…

We would make a dashing coven to be sure.

C would be first.  There’s no way I would want to go through eternity without my other half and that’s that.

Then there’s Lady Zod.  She and I have been partners in crime for years.  The secret to our success is not only never getting caught, but never even being suspected.  We could get lots of money that way and go along unnoticed in daily lives.  She could then turn her other half.

Then there’s Main Man who already has dreams about the two of us sitting in a corner of a totally Euro-trash club drinking wine while watching all the German hipsters (Why we’re in Germany, I’m not sure) dance to trashy pop songs.  At the stroke of midnight the strobe lights come on and the techno music gets louder.  All of a sudden, I nod and the doors imperceptibly lock.  It’s time to eat and nothing tastes better than hipster blood, full of self-righteousness and indignation, and what I’m calling “damn-the-man-ness.” So sweet!  We then set fire to the club as we silently slip into darkness.

Guido is an obvious choice.  He even already has the teeth to match.  Besides, we would need someone with some kind of actual work ethic to keep us grounded and his scientific ways can always be a benefit when speaking of an eternity.  Plus he could really make some great breakthroughs to better lives in all societies and all that do-gooder spiel.

I’m not including the whole list, obviously.  These are just some of the ones that would be included in what would only be known “the house.”  This would be a kind of special and vast compound with various wings and space.  Maybe hidden away in a forest, if we could be sure to get good internet and DirecTv (so C could still watch his Dolphin games).  Wherever it would be, we would need some space.

With all the time in the world, I think that I would also try my hand at tons of things that I have no time for now.  Just decide on various career paths.  I would continue with theater, maybe some movies, tons of jobs that I think I would be good at just to fill up the time.  Vacations would be plentiful and entire lives thought up at the drop of a hat.

Most of all, there would not be glistening whininess, no morose pining for a loss since the people I love would all be with me, or we could see each other as often as we like.  We, obviously, don’t all need to live together.  But, I’m sure, some of us would choose to do so.

The world, would be conquered.

So, if you were on the “Good” side of OWS (aka, the haves) you are better than the have nots of OWS and make the decisions for the entire group inside the lobby of  a bank (which is really “the common enemy”).  But we’re all equal here, right?

I really want to be the kind of person who sets their alarm for 5 am in order to get some exercise or whatever. I want to be one of those people who cheerfully awaken before dawn, get up while whistling a little tune (maybe some “Zip A Dee Doo Da” or something like that), get dressed and make their way out in the darkness to walk, or jog, or bike. Maybe they get themselves to the gym or to the basement or wherever the elliptical or the stationary bike or treadmill is and just get a move on. I am jealous of these people.

I am NOT one of them.

My alarm goes off almost every day at 6:10am. I proceed to press the snooze button twice. I need those 18 minutes. I need them just so that I can muster enough power to get out of bed, get ready, walk the dogs, get the kids ready so I can get Enzi to school on time. We HAVE to leave by 7:22. No later.
I don’t want to do any of that between 6:28 and 7:22 am. I want to turn around and cover myself back up and sleep for another two hours…. at least.

Sleep.

A beautiful word and concept.

Waking up at 5:00 is not.

I will never be able to be one of those people. During the summer, when it is already turning light before 6 am, is no better. It does not energize me or anything even near that.

Let me sleep.

Later on, I want coffee. And not just any coffee. Good, dark, strong coffee (preferably Brazilian) with some milk and sugar.

But nowhere near 5 a.m.

This is way more like it..

http://the53.tumblr.com/